


Kill This Love

by buckyismymainman



Series: Avengers Short Stories [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, College AU, Drinking, F/F, Partying, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28055319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckyismymainman/pseuds/buckyismymainman
Summary: You and Carol were hot and heavy, your relationship never really healthy, and you decide to call it quits when Carol comes home smelling of booze and treating you like all you’re good for is a good time.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Reader, Natasha Romanov (Marvel)/Reader
Series: Avengers Short Stories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103915
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59





	1. Kill This Love

_After a sweet hi, there’s always a bitter bye_

_After a very crazy high, there’s a price you have to pay_

_There’s no answer to this test, I’ll always fall for it Yes_

_I’m a slave to my emotions_

_Screw this heartless love_

You and Carol had met at a bar one night. It had been a long week of school and studies and you just wanted to blow off some steam with your best friends. That’s when you had seen her dancing with her friends. Her blonde hair gleamed under the multicolored lights of the bar, her hips swaying to the music.

You knew right then and there that you needed to know her name and where she had been all this time.

She had caught you staring at her and crooked her finger toward you. That had been it, you had gone over and the two of you quickly abandoned your friends to dance together. They all could care less, they had each come out looking for a good time and were just happy that you had managed to find someone to dance with.

You learned that her name was Carol and she was studying engineering. You had danced with her for the rest of the night and periodically went to the bar to get drinks. As the bar closed down for the night she took you back to her apartment where you wound up spending the night with her.

_Look at me Look at you, Who’ll be in more pain?_

_You smart? Who is? You are_

_If you cry tears of blood from both eyes_

_So sorry? Who is? You are_

_What do I do? I can’t stand being this weak_

_While I force myself to cover my eyes_

_I need to bring an end to this love_

That was the start of your relationship. Hot and heavy, you were each other’s worlds. Your friends knew it wouldn’t last though. There was a destructive nature to your relationship. You seemed to bring out the worst in each other.

Carol liked to party and while you didn’t mind the occasional outing there were times when you just wanted to stay home and be wrapped up in her. To have her all to yourself. Carol didn’t feel that way, she wanted to show you off to the rest of the world and flaunt you in front of people.

“Come on, Y/N,” she would whine as she gave you her best pleading look. “Come with me to the party. It’ll be so much fun.”

You chewed on your lip and tried to hold onto the fact that you didn’t want to go out tonight. You had a test in the morning and you wanted to relax and study. “I don’t know, Carol. I just want to stay home tonight. Maybe we can go to a party this weekend?”

She huffed, clearly not pleased with your answer, “What happened to the fun Y/N that I met that night in the bar? I want that girl back.”

That made you bristle. You hated it when she said that you weren’t fun. She made you sound like a grandma sitting home on a Saturday with her forty some cats watching I Love Lucy reruns on the TV. “Carol, I have a test tomorrow, you don’t need me to go with you to some stupid frat party,” you pointed out, you couldn’t help the exasperated tone of your voice which seemed to anger her even more.

“Fine, have fun studying tonight,” she turned and stormed out of the apartment. 

You sat on the couch and tried to focus on studying, but it was no use. You hated fighting with Carol, something the two of you had seemed to be doing a lot of recently. You really liked Carol and had stood up to your friends over her, but you were starting to wonder if they were right. If Carol was a bad influence on you and that she was only going to drag you down.

Carol’s friends had mentioned it to you before too. You had known some of them from class and they knew what kind of person you were. “Look Carol’s a good person, it’s just that she’s going through shit right now and while it’s not healthy she parties to cope with the stress. She’s just using you as another distraction and when she feels like you aren’t good enough anymore she’s just going to leave you.”

You hadn’t wanted to believe them then, but you could see it now. All she ever really wanted to do was go out to crowded, public places with you and make sure everyone knew who you were leaving with that night. She always complained when you made her watch movies on the couch and she never wanted to do anything outside of bar hopping.

The later it got the more you realized that you probably wouldn’t be seeing Carol again that night. But you tried to stay awake anyway hoping she would be sober enough when she got home that the two of you could have a discussion like actual adults.

It was well past three when you wound up falling asleep on the couch waiting for her to come home.

_But you plus me sadly can be dangerous_

_Lucky me Lucky you_

_After all, in the end, we lie_

_So what so what_

_If I end up forgetting you_

_So sorry_

_I’m not sorry_

_What do I do? I can’t stand being this weak_

_While I force myself to hide my tears_

_I need to bring an end to this love_

The door opened and Carol strolled in, her clothes were rumbled, there was a lipstick stain on her neck, and her hair was a mess. Your heart broke at the sight of her. “Carol, we need to talk.” Maybe you could talk some sense into her, get her to stop partying. You weren’t ready to give her up yet.

Carol barely glanced at you as she made her way to the kitchen and got a bottle of water out of the fridge. “About what?” She asked, still not looking at you. She was still clearly upset with you from the night before.

“Oh I don’t know, how about all the partying you’ve been doing recently?” You placed your hands on your hips and narrowed your eyes at her. “Or the fact that you always come home smelling like booze?”

Carol downed a glass of water with two headache pills, “What about it? I party, so what?”

“So what?” Your voice was beginning to get louder. “It’s not healthy, Carol! You reek of alcohol, there’s a lipstick stain on your neck, which we’re not even going to begin to discuss. How do you think this is good for you?”

“I like to have fun,” she said as if it were no big deal.

You squared your shoulders, “I’m tired of this Carol. I’m tired of feeling like I’m only good to you if I go to these dumb parties. Sometimes I just want to stay home and study because news flash I’m in college and so are you. What are your grades like Carol? Do you even go to classes anymore? Or are you always in too much of a drunken stupor that you just say fuck it and don’t go?” 

She was getting angry now. She didn’t like that you were yelling at her, making the pounding in her head worse. “I don’t think that’s any of your business,” she snarled. “I’m my own person and I can do whatever the hell I want.”

Your nails dug into your palm as you clenched your fists, “You’re right Carol, you are your own person and you can do whatever the hell you want. I only want what’s best for you because I care about you. But right now I don’t know if you care about me. I think all you see me as is someone you can parade around at these goddamn parties.”

“What does it matter if I want to show you off at parties? You’re my girlfriend aren’t you?”

“Am I though?” You argued back. “Because we don’t really do anything outside of go to those parties and come back here and have sex. Whenever I want to do normal dates you turn your nose up at them. So no Carol, I don’t think I am your girlfriend. I think I’m some sort of prize you like to parade around and I’m tired of it.”

Carol threw up her hands, clearly over this conversation. “Whatever, I’ll be by to get my stuff later.” She made her way to the door and slammed it shut behind her.

You sunk down on your couch and began to cry. You sent a text to your friends and they rushed over to help you before you had to go to class and take the big test. You were nowhere near ready for it in your current state, but you were no longer going to have Carol drag you down with her.

_We must kill this love_

_Yeah it’s sad but true_

_Gotta kill this love_

_Before it kills you too_

_Kill this love_

_Yeah it’s sad but true_

_Gotta kill this love_

_Gotta kill let’s kill this love_


	2. Stitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol has come to realize that maybe giving you up was a bad idea after all. What can she do to get you back and will it be too late?

_I thought that I’d been hurt before_

_But no one’s ever left me quite this sore_

_Your words cut deeper than a knife_

_Now I need someone to breathe me back to life_

_Got a feeling that I’m going under_

_But I know that I’ll make it out alive_

_If I quit calling you my lover_

_Move on_

Carol never thought that she would miss someone as much as she missed you. From the moment she moved her stuff out of your apartment she knew that she had fucked up big time. She shouldn’t have said or done the things that she had. Your words echoed in her ears as she carried her stuff from your apartment to her car.

Maria was there to help her, a disappointed look on her face. She had hoped that maybe Carol had found someone that was good for her. That she would slow down with the partying and open up for once. She knew that Carol was going through a rough spot and no matter how hard Maria tried she could never get what was going on out of Carol. She had hoped that maybe you could get her friend to open up for once.

Obviously, that hope had been in vain.

“Maria, I fucked up,” Carol said as they drove off from your apartment. You hadn’t been there when they had come, you didn’t want to see Carol again. You weren’t sure if you ever wanted to see her again or not.

“You don’t have to tell me that,” Maria said. “Look Carol, I’m not going to sugar coat things anymore for you. You’ve been fucking up a lot lately and I’m a little tired of picking your drunk ass up from parties and seeing you treat women as objects. I thought that maybe you had something good going on with Y/N, but clearly, I was wrong.”

Carol hung her head, she knew at some point Maria wasn’t going to support her destructive behavior. “I know,” she whispered, tears filling her eyes. “Do you think I can fix things with Y/N?”

Maria kept her eyes on the road, “I don’t know Carol, I can honestly say I have no idea.”

_Just like a moth drawn to a flame_

_Oh, you lured me in, I couldn’t sense the pain_

_Your bitter heart cold to the touch_

_Now I’m gonna reap what I sow_

_I’m left seeing red on my own_

_Got a feeling that I’m going under_

_But I know that I’ll make it out alive_

_If I quit calling you my lover_

_Move on_

_You watch me bleed until I can’t breathe_

_Shaking, falling onto my knees_

_And now that I’m without your kisses_

_I’ll be needing stitches_

_Tripping over myself_

_Aching, begging you to come help_

_And now that I’m without your kisses_

_I’ll be needing stitches_

You sat in the cafeteria looking over an assignment for Professor Fury’s class, a highlighter cap caught between your teeth as your eyes skimmed the page. It had been a little over a month since you had broke things off with Carol. It had been hard at first, there were a lot of sleepless nights and makeup covering the dark circles under your eyes, but you had survived.

You had had your fair share of heartbreak in the past. This was just another one for the books. Sometimes you would see her on campus with Maria and she looked miserable. A sick part of you was happy that she was just as miserable as you were. It brought you some semblance of joy that she was hurting like she had hurt you. It was petty you knew, but you couldn’t help it at the time. She had caused you serious heartbreak and it was nice to know you weren’t the only one that was feeling terrible.

“Hey Y/N?” You looked up at the sound of your name and saw Natasha standing in front of you, a smile on her face. “I was wondering if you could help me with an assignment for Professor Fury’s class? I’m having a little trouble remembering all the things he covered in class.”

You flashed her a bright smile and motioned for her to take a seat, “I’m actually going over the handout he gave out today.”

“Lucky me,” she said as she pulled out her own notes and packet. “I don’t know why he has to make things so complicated.”

You shrugged, “I think he likes challenging us because he can see the potential we have. He wants to challenge us to be the best we can be.”

“Poetic,” she said as she clicked her pen. “So where are you currently?” You spent the next few hours studying with Natasha. She was so focused that she didn’t even realize how late it had gotten until her phone buzzed beside her. “Oh shit, I forgot that I have to meet my friends for dinner tonight, it’s my friend Sam’s birthday. Thank you so much for all your help, Y/N.”

“No problem,” you told her as the two of you began packing up your things. “I’m just glad I was able to help you out some.”

She shouldered her bag and then asked, “Would you like to go out sometime?”

Your heartbeat picked up its pace and you nodded your head, “I’d really like that.”

“Great! I’ll text you later and we can figure something out.” She waved and headed for the doors that led to the main quad, leaving you standing there staring after her with the goofiest grin on your face.

_Needle in the thread_

_Gotta get you out of my head, get you out of my head_

_You watch me bleed until I can’t breathe_

_Shaking, falling onto my knees (falling on my knees)_

_And now that I’m without your kisses_

_I’ll be needing stitches (and I’ll be needing stitches)_

_Tripping over myself_

_Aching, begging you to come help (begging, “Baby, please.”)_

_And now that I’m without your kisses_

_I’ll be needing stitches_

_(And now that)_

_I’m without your kisses_

_I’ll be needing stitches_

_(And now that)_

_I’m without your kisses_

_I’ll be needing stitches_

Carol hadn’t heard that you had started going out with Natasha. She didn’t know that you had moved on. Maria knew, but she wasn’t sure how she was going to spill the news to her friend. Carol had been doing better, but Maria didn’t know if this news would send her spiraling again. Carol was still holding out hope that you would take her back.

Maria also didn’t know that Carol was going to approach you today in the cafeteria when she saw you sitting by yourself.

“Hey Y/N,” Carol said softly, she wasn’t sure what your reaction would be to her so she was being careful as she approached you.

You looked up, your heart skipping a beat when you heard her voice, “Hey Carol.”

This was a good start, Carol thought to herself. You hadn’t started cursing her name. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been good,” you told her. “And you?”

“Better, I stopped partying,” she admitted. “I haven’t been to one in over a month.” You just nodded your head, not sure what your response to that should be. “I was wondering if… well I was hoping that maybe we could give us a try again.”

“Carol–”

“No, wait before you say no. I know that I treated you poorly back then, but I realize now that what I did was wrong. I want to be with you again and this time I won’t treat you as some sort of trophy or prize. We can do the quiet nights at home, we can go out to eat, we don’t have to go to parties. I just… fuck I miss you. I miss you so much.” She looked like she was about to cry. “I should never have treated you like I did, and there’s really no excuse for why I did it, but I want to make it up to you. Please, give me another chance.”

You felt like your heart was breaking all over again, and before you could say anything you felt a hand on your back, “Hey babe, you ready to go hang out with the boys? Steve made us rent Star Wars because he’s never seen any of them.” 

You looked back at Carol who’s face was a mask of devastation, “Uh Carol, this is my girlfriend Natasha. Nat this is… an old friend.” Natasha knew by the tone of your voice that this was the ex you had told her about.

“Nice to meet you, Carol,” she had a forced smile on her face and Carol knew that if looks could kill she’d be dead right now.

“Uh yeah, nice to meet you too, Natasha. Look Y/N, I should go. It was nice seeing you again. I guess I’ll see you around campus.” Carol quickly gathered up her bags and headed for the door, fighting back the tears until she was out of the building and away from your watchful gaze.

She had been too late and Maria knew the moment that she saw Carol that her friend had found out about your new relationship and she held her friend as she cried.


	3. The Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years have passed since you and Carol have parted ways. Both of you trying to move forward with your lives and ultimately reach your happily ever after.

_I don’t want to know who we are without each other_

_It’s just too hard_

_I don’t want to leave here without you_

_I don’t want to lose part of me_

_Will I recover?_

_That broken piece, let it go and unleash all the feelings_

Years had passed and you and Carol had graduated from college. You didn’t have a lot of interactions after she had learned you were dating Natasha. She couldn’t go to you, couldn’t talk to you, and she didn’t even want to know about you. It hurt too much to think about how much she had fucked up. How much she had hurt you.

There were still times that she thought about you after college, but she had begun moving on. You were happy now and she wanted to put the past behind her as well. She wanted to find her happiness with someone just as you had with Natasha.

She got a job as a pilot and saw that world, but she couldn’t find that someone she wanted to get to know romantically. Maria said it was because she was trying too hard and maybe Carol was. So she decided to just stop looking. She wasn’t going to force anything anymore. She did her job, came home, saw the world, and repeated.

When Maria became pregnant Carol spent more time at home to help be there for her friend. She wanted to make sure she was taken care of and safe. She met a nurse that she liked and they started seeing one another for a while, but things didn’t last long. And once again Carol’s thoughts drifted to you.

_Would you ever stop invading her dreams?_

_Did we ever see it coming?_

_Will we ever let it go?_

_We are buried in broken dreams_

_We are knee-deep without a plea_

_I don’t want to know what it’s like to live without you_

_Don’t want to know the other side of a world without you_

_Is it fair, or is it fate?_

_No one knows_

_The stars choose their lovers, save my soul_

_It hurts just the same_

_And I can’t tear myself away_

You and Natasha had broken up several months after graduation. It was for the best, you two weren’t happy together anymore and honestly, the two of you were better friends. You weren’t going to like and say that it didn’t hurt losing her, but you understood. Why be with someone when you were so unhappy?

Sometime after that you would think of Carol and wonder how she was doing. You followed Maria on Instagram and saw Carol show up in her photos sometimes. She seemed happy especially since becoming an aunt. You were happy for her, you were happy that she was doing better after college.

Sometimes she would appear in your dreams and you would wake up wondering what could have been if you had just held out. Then you remembered that it was for the best and you were tired of being hurt by her. She had needed to grow and you had needed space.

You went on a string of dates here and there trying to find someone you connected with, but there was no clicking.

“I don’t know, Nat, no one is panning out,” you told her on one of your Friday night conversations. The two of you were sitting in a quiet bar sipping your drinks and just catching up. “I wish I could just find someone.”

“You will,” Natasha said with a smile. “You’re too great of a catch not to snatch someone up.”

You chuckled, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Nat.” You took a sip of your drink and said, “How are things with you and Steve?”

Natasha brightened, “Good! He’s super sweet and really caring. I was thinking about inviting you and some of the others over for dinner with his friends one night. How does that sound?”

“Great,” you said. 

The two of you continued to talk for a little while longer before saying your goodbyes and going your separate ways.

_Did we ever see it coming?_

_Will we ever let it go?_

_We are buried in broken dreams_

_We are knee-deep without a plea_

_I don’t want to know what it’s like to live without you_

_Don’t want to know the other side of a world without you_

You were sitting in a little café in Paris reading a book and sipping a cup of tea when you heard a familiar voice, “Y/N?”

You looked up and saw Carol standing before you with a to-go cup in her hands, a surprised expression on her face. You thought you looked much the same as her. Of all the places in the world to run into your ex the last place you had expected would be Paris, France. “Oh my God, Carol hey.” You stood and gave her a hug. “This is… unexpected.”

She gestured to the seat across from you, “May I?”

“Of course,” you said, your heart squeezing just a little. “What are you doing here?”

“Layover,” she said. “I’m a pilot. I’ll be here for the next few hours and thought I’d come here to get something to tie me over until then. What are you doing here?”

“You remember Natasha?” Carol nodded, her expression changing for just a second. “She’s getting married to her boyfriend. I’m one of her bridesmaids.”

Carol blinked, “Wait seriously?”

You nodded, “Yep, we’re friends now. We decided we were better off that way. And yes, Steve knows and is cool with it. He’s a pretty chill guy and he knows that Nat and I have no more romantic feelings for one another.”

“Huh, well that’s really cool,” she said. “I don’t know if I could watch my ex get married,” she chuckled and it kinda trailed off when she remembered that the two of you were exes. “Do you still live in New York?”

“I do,” you told her. “I have a wonderful job that I got pretty much right out of college since I interned there. Plus I don’t think I could ever leave the city, I love it too much.” You fiddled with the napkin beside your drink, “What about you?”

“I don’t live in the city proper anymore. I moved closer to Maria after she had Monica in case she needed help,” Carol explained. “Maybe we could meet up sometime and just talk and catch up. I’d love to hear what you’ve been up to since college.”

You smiled at her, “Same.” You scribbled your number down on the napkin and slid it over to her. “Message me sometime next week or whenever you get back to New York. I’m here for the next few days and then I’ll be headed home.”

She picked up the napkin and stood, “It was nice seeing you again, Y/N.”

“You too, Carol,” you said before watching her walk out the door and down the street away from you.

_We are buried in broken dreams_

_We are knee-deep without a plea_

_I don’t want to know what it’s like to live without you_

_Don’t want to know the other side of a world without you_

_Can’t live without you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is The Other Side by Ruelle.


End file.
